Dating Services: For it or Against It?
I am against them. I don’t agree with the concept of dating services or dating through personals. Why? How can a relationship work if you CHOSE everything you wanted?
You chose someone because of his or her looks.
You choose someone because of his or her salary.
You chose someone because they have everything in common with you.
You chose someone because they are religious or not.
You chose someone because they do or do not smoke, do or do not drink, etc.
You chose someone who loves the same exact foods you like.
Get the picture? If we choose someone based on what we want is that healthy? We all have types of people we like but that is different from constructing a person from head to toe. When you rely on dating services you are picking everything that you want. How can this be a healthy or long lasting relationship? Is everyone supposed to have something in common with you? Do I want a man who likes everything I like? No. That’s boring isn’t it? I’d rather have a man who is not a replica of me. I could date myself if that’s the case. I don’t smoke. Does that mean that I will not date a man that does? I don’t agree with second hand smoke but couldn’t we work something out if we care for one another? He could find places to smoke. I could find places to let him be himself. Should we pick someone based on how we want them to look? Do I really want a man who fits every physical characteristic I like? Yeah it sounds good doesn’t it? But is that realistic? Can we possibly have a romance? I’m not very religious. Does that mean I don’t want a man that is? Do I want someone who changes his beliefs for me? Do I want to change my beliefs for him? Get the point?
We can’t just pick soul mates. We can’t pick someone because they fit what we want and think that’s the key to true love. Being in love means you take someone for themselves. You may like blue. He may like green. You may love comedies. He may like horrors. He may go to church on Sundays. You may never have or don’t plan to. He may smoke and drink. You may hate the idea of that. But still, it’s reality. This is a real relationship. You fall in love with the person for who they are am I right? So when you resort to dating services, who are you “ in love “ with? The person or the idea of them?
And who is to say that just because “professionals” hooked you up the relationship will last? You could have Mr. and Mrs. Right easily. But does that mean they are the right ones for you?
I don’t see how a dating service can bring forth a realistic relationship. You should meet folks naturally and fall in love the way nature intended. Romance shouldn’t be constructed like chapters of a book.
Photos are from the 1996 Romeo + Juliet film. The story may not have been real but at least the love was true.
Bootsy
posted by Stacy-Deanne @ 1:45 PM
8 Comments:
I think they are fine. Some people have been thru the ringer and would rather set a date with someone based on some interest or common ground.
Why is your comment moderation on?
well, I don't know if I am for or against them, but what I do know is a lot of people out there ( me included) do need a small push now and then
cheers
Crall I've had my moderation on for about three months! LOL, where you been? I put it on for two reasons. One is that I don't have as much time to blog so I can post the comments from a distance. Another is to keep order. Others were having problems with jerks popping on their blogs starting mess with folks and I wasn't going to have it. I want to ensure an environment for my visitors that would make them comfortable. They don't have to worry about any jerks starting things with them just because they may not agree. Blogger had become so hostile at some point. Maybe it's better now but I noticed a lot of folks having problems with jerks. I wasn't about to deal with that mess. I like it better this way. And I believe the visitors do too. I get the comments up as quickly as possible too. Thanks for visiting!
This one kinda tough.Maybe people use it after going thru a lot of bad relationships and they figure compatability will work.Like most things you have no idea if the person's profile is real so you still will be taking a chance.
Interesting POV Stacy, I never thought of it that way. I think it can work...for some people. Maybe it's just more of our 'microwave' society living - we want to cut thru all that rigamaroll otherwise known as 'getting to know you'. So tell me, what're your thoughts on the whole 'speed-dating' thing?
"And who is to say that just because “professionals” hooked you up the relationship will last? You could have Mr. and Mrs. Right easily. But does that mean they are the right ones for you?"
I don't think people use services thinking it's a sure fire way to meet a soul mate. Rather it's an OPPORTUNITY to meet people with the expressed interest in dating. Meeting someone at the library or grocery store or at church may not be feasible, and carries a pretense of not knowing if someone is even in the market. Does it really matter how people meet? You're an author right? Well, you can't be at the bookstore 24/7 telling people about your books. But you can have a website, a blog, bookmarks, and a relationship with booksellers, all of which speak for you in your absence. And that still doesn't mean I'll buy it. Same with dating services. They hook people up. The connection is up to them.
Interesting blog.
Hi Everyone--Like Abeni said, there is no guarantee if what you THINK you're meeting is what you are meeting. An ex-con can fill out a profile and look like Mr. Right for someone. The point is that you don't know folks in real life until you meet them either but how do we know these services aren't just out for those thousands of dollars folks shell out? How do we all know they are really checking out these people like they are supposed to? The same with online dating. Anyone can be anyone behind a computer. How do you honestly know who you are talking to? I go with the choice of being realistic. Now if we point out everything we want in a person, does that mean we will be happy with them? Nope. That's my point but it is up to folks. If they have to spend money to find folks then, more power to them. You still end up with jerks. Why pay to end up with a jerk when you can do it for free? As for ruling out the bad people, dating services aren't a guarantee that you are doing this. Don't folks lie? A con artist can produce a fake profile and fake history just to scam some woman on a dating service. Most couples say they hook up at work these days anyway. At least you really know the person. Dating services deliver a pretty package but it still may not be the perfect package for you even if you hand picked every charateristic from head to toe. If people agree with them that's fine but I don't believe that just because you go through this channel it means you are getting some great man or woman. Please! Any old fool, junkie, drunk and criminal can be on a dating service. They can in real life too but at least you didn't have to pay for learning the lesson. And if these services were really there to hook folks up ONLY, why charge then? You can go to a church single's function if that's the case. At least you know the folks there. Just my opinion.
As a former online dater, I think dating services are great.You are right that people misrepresent themselves all the time. That's the purpose of dating in the first. To get to know the person.
There are somethings that a couple must have in common or the relationship just won't work i.e., raising of family, money management...these are things that people should not compromise on.
I hate smoking. I would never date a smoker. He could be the most beautiful, kindest man in the world, but if he's a smoker all deals are off. I can't bring myself to want to be close to a smoker. I've tried it before (kissing, hugging) and I was repulsed by the smell and taste of cigarettes.
The important thing is not how they met but how/if they can stay together
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