Things We Say Vs. Things We WANT to Say

Scenario One:
Man sees a woman sitting alone in a restaurant. Woman notices man and smiles. Man walks over. Woman straightens up in her seat.

Man says: " Hello there. How are you? You mind if I sit down? "

Man wants to say: " Actually I could care less how you are doing. I just came over here to see if you are single. Hopefully you'll be dumb enough to fall for my lines, let me take you out and then we end up having hot, nasty, stinky sex because all I want is some booty. Afterwards I will talk sweet and hold you, not meaning a word I say. Then, I will slip you a fake number (because I'm married) then leave you heartbroken, desperate and miserable. So, what do you say to that? "

Woman says: " Hello. I am doing okay. I don't mind if you sit down. I noticed you when you walked in. "

Woman wants to say: " Who dressed you, Forrest Gump? I should get an Academy Award for picking out suckers. Sure you can sit down. You can tell me all the tired lines you want and if I don't have anything better to do I may take you home tonight. We can have hot, stinky sex and afterwards I will tell you you're the best I've ever had even though I know having sex with a three-legged dog would have been better. Then I will let you hold me, all the while pretending I want to see you again. I'll invite you over for more sex until you're so obsessed with me that you pay my rent, phone bill and car note. Life is good, sucker. "

Scenario Two:
Two ex-girlfriends meet after a long separation because girlfriend B ran off with girlfriend A's man. Now, after months they finally see each other face to face.

Girlfriend B says: " Girl it is so good to see you! I wanted to call you. I am so sorry about what happened with Jonathan. I won't ever be able to forgive myself. "

Girlfriend B wants to say: " As if it is my fault you can't keep a man. It's not my problem you're so controlling and you dress like Aunt Esther. Who could keep a man looking like that? And you haven't changed a bit. Talk about someone who needs a lifetime certificate to Bad Dressers Anonymous. "

Girlfriend A says: " Oh don't worry about it. I missed you too. Hey, Jonathan is just a man. We were friends before him. I shouldn't have let him come between us. "

Girlfriend A wants to say: " Man stealing heifer. Hell yeah I'm still upset. You think that you can just take my man then walk up to me like nothing happened? I see you're alone. He must have dumped you like the trash. Oh sweet victory huh? So how does it feel? You thought he was with you because you were better than I was but you see that's not the case now huh? Now if only you get that broken leg so I know if my voodoo spell really works. "

Girlfriend B says: " You look good, girl! I love that dress. You've lost weight! "

Girlfriend B wants to say: " Someone needs a gift certificate to Jenny Craig. "

Girlfriend A says: " Oh thank you, girl! And I love your hair! That's the perfect style for
you! "

Girlfriend A wants to say: " I've seen a better weave on a chipmunk. And what old lady did you jack those shoes from? I didn't know people under fifty wore hush puppies. "

Scenario Three:
Man and woman after a night of loving.

Woman says: " Oh Stanley you were great. "

Woman wants to say: " Yeah right you musty sucker. Ever heard of deodorant? Well who cares? Law and Order was a rerun anyway. I needed something to do. "

Man says: " Just being with you was enough. We didn’t even have to have sex. "

Man wants to say: " Ha! What the hell you think I came over here for? I wined and dined you, you best believe I deserved this. And I know I'm good. At least I got my money's worth for that dinner at Wendy's. "

Woman says: " Let's do it again sometime. "

Woman wants to say: " Masturbation is better than you are. "

Man says: " You're so beautiful. I can't wait to see you again. "

Man wants to say: " I'm surprised I could get one kiss in with that huge banana nose you got. And your head looks like a giant walnut. I didn't realize your nose was that big in the club. And you could use some deodorant too. And you aren't that fine. The butt's not all that and the breasts are going due south. Of course I just told you you looked good in case I need another booty call. Let me get home before my wife yanks a chunk out of my behind. "

Woman says: " Call you. "

Woman wants to say: " Call you…when hell freezes over. "

Man says: " No I'll call you. "

Man wants to say: " Shoot I'm not thinking of you no more this week! You can wait by the phone if you want to. But if you call me I'll pretend I want to see you again. You don't look like nothing but I got to treat you right in case I'm in need of some more loving. I'm really trying to get with that cute little friend of yours. "

Woman says: " Goodnight. "

Woman wants to say: " Bastard. "

Man says: " Goodnight. "

Man wants to say: " For god sakes, shave those legs! "

Just a little fun huh? LOL! Hope you enjoyed this!