Under The Bed

Ever wondered how all that mess accumulates under your bed? You know what I mean. I don't care how clean someone's house is everyone is going to have something under their bed. Last night I lost something and I was looking all around my bedroom trying to find it. Of course that resulted in, you guess it, me getting on my knees and looking under the bed. I have a skirt on my bed and thank goodness for that after the stuff I saw under there. Now I expected the dust. No matter how much we clean dust in my house that's just how our home is. I believe everyone's is dusty in spots to a point and some people's homes are dustier than others are. It has a lot to do with where you live. Houston is a place with construction everywhere and things like construction lead to dusty homes, etc.

Anyway, so I got on my knees and…(okay you men get it out of the gutter), I started moving my hand underneath the bed. Now I had no business trying to search without a flashlight. After what I saw at the edge of the bed I was glad I hadn't gotten one. Who needed help to see all of that? It wasn't that it was very dirty under there, it's just that I'd just cleaned under my bed and I became shocked at what I found. I'm talking about wall to wall crumbs and I don't even eat in my bedroom that much. I found a Cheetoe. Now I can explain that because I had some last week. I saw clumps of lint. Some old cassettes tapes, cassette tapes now! Now how the heck did that happen seeing how I just got rid of a lot of cassette tapes a month ago? I was holding onto them for historic purposes all these years. I didn't want to get rid of them but I needed the space so I threw them out months ago. And with my luck cassette tapes will probably be worth a billion dollars soon but…I had no choice.

The good thing about going under the bed was I found some things I lost recently. But it was the weird assortment of food particles that surprised me. I found a watermelon seed. Now how did I miss that? I hadn't had a watermelon in a long time. Then there was a button from something I don't even remember having. I can explain the bobbie pins because I wear them all the time. I found a picture of someone (I guess from back in school) because I didn't remember how it even got under there or who the person was. Forget Spring Cleaning, Fall Cleaning is what I need to do! I had to stop looking under there because it was getting depressing. I think I found a biscuit under there too. I was scared to keep going. I was afraid I'd find Jimmy Hoffa and Amelia Earhart if I dug long enough. Shoot maybe Bin Laden's under there. Shoot I'd settle for Bin. At least that would be one man in my room. Hasn't been one in there since the cable guy. (I mean to fix my cable, see? Get it out of the gutter you perverts!) Then again Bin would only bring me trouble. Dating a terrorist isn't too appealing you know? All I need is for the government to be on my ass.

But under that bed…whoo! Man I'm talking enough food that could have been meals if I put all the crumbs together. Needless to say Bootsy needs do some cleaning.

The photo is…now come on. If you don't know who that is I can't help you.